I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
