I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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