I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
My dick has a subreddit
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
