my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I just gargled with NyQuil
Randomize
