They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
