i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
