I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Randomize
