I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
