Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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