I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
