i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
