did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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