I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
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