i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
