I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
