People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
