I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Randomize
