and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
