he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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