Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
