The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
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