home. puking in laundry basket.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Who put my cat in the fridge?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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