ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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