i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
