They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
