I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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