I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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