Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
