i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
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