She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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