my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
You are the jesus of drinking
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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