so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
