He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
