He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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