I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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