3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
