my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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