I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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