the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
