Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
