My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
this just has baby written all over it
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
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