My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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