Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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