I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
