No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize
