Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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