Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
