Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
