OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
