Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
