yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
