I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
