the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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