I can't watch pbs sober anymore
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
