sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
