Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
