Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
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