I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
