3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
