"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
