it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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