feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
organizing the empties. That sober.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
