Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
