is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.�
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
