on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
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